Rethinking Tamar Pt1: From Prostitute to Jesus’ Grandma

“Ms. Tanya. If you can get me a job where I can make enough to support my children and my sister’s children who I have to take care of, I’ll stop.” These were the words spoken to me by a young woman advertising herself on Backpage in 2015. She didn’t want to prostitute herself, but she didn’t have a choice. 

When There Is No Other Choice

This young woman told me of how she had a part-time job at a convenience store, but that wasn’t enough money. She was raising her own children as well as her sister’s children. The money she made at her legitimate job, plus the government assistance she was getting, was not enough to keep everyone fed, lights on, roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, and other normal everyday items they needed. Not wants, needs. I googled the Alabama city she lived in. A Google search of the thirtieth largest city in Alabama returned two pages of Christian churches – just in that city – not surrounding areas. Why was this young woman having to sell her body to support her family? She was using government assistance and there were plenty of churches that could have aided. Yet, that wasn’t enough. 

This young woman was failed by the religious in her community and by the systems we, as a society have in place.When I lived and worked with sex trafficking victims, I became quite familiar with women who had been prostituted. In general, a woman is not going to sell her body if she is whole financially, mentally, physically, and spiritually. When you’ve heard the stories I’ve heard and know what kind of abuse the woman’s body endures when she has to have sex with multiple men a night (most quotas are way over 15 “johns” per night), the beatings she receives, the degradation, stress, and the absolute horrific things that men do to these “prostitutes”, you understand that many would not choose this life unless it was out of necessity.

Take Care of Widows

In the Bible, God places a lot of emphasis on taking care of widows. One of the reasons for that, is during the times of the Old and New Testament, women relied on their husbands, sons, and in some cases brothers, to take care of them. Women weren’t generally independently wealthy or able to support themselves. When women were widowed with no one to support them, they often turned to prostitution as their means of support. This is not what God wants for His daughters. 

This brings us to Tamar. This woman’s story can be found in Genesis 38. I haven’t heard many sermons or stories about Tamar in my 40+ years of life and going to church. Tamar married the oldest son of Judah. If you recall, Judah was the son of Leah and Jacob, and brother to Joseph (coat of many colors). Leah was the unwanted and unloved spouse of Jacob (that’s a whole other interesting saga if you want to read about that in Genesis 29). 

Kinsman Redeemer

There was a law – a system – in place in Israel at the time of Tamar. You’ve probably heard about it as to Ruth, it’s called the Levirate Marriage (Deuteronomy 25:5-6), or, as in the case of Ruth, the “Kinsmen Redeemer”. Basically, if there are no male children of a couple and the husband dies, the brother (or later as in Ruth’s case the next male relative) was to marry the widow and produce a male child. That male child would be the son of the deceased husband, not of the biological father. This is important because that child would inherit property/land of the deceased father, and if that deceased father was the first-born son, this child would inherit the family property. 

Tamar

How does this apply to Tamar? Her husband, Judah’s oldest son, died.  Judah’s second son then married Tamar. But, he didn’t want his child to be his “brother’s” child, so he wouldn’t complete a sex act with her so to avoid her getting pregnant. God got very angry with him for his deceitfulness, and this guy died. Judah had one more son, but he was afraid he’d die too, so he withheld that son. He told Tamar he wanted the son to grow older before allowing him to marry her. That was a reasonable request due to the boy’s age, so she didn’t press the issue. 

Years later, after she knew the youngest son was old enough to marry her and produce a child, Judah was silent. He had not sent for her to be married to his son, he hadn’t arranged anything, it was as if he hoped she had forgotten. Tamar had not forgotten. 

The Choice to Prostitute

One day she was told that Judah would be traveling to Timnah. So, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She disguised herself and assumed the role of a prostitute and met Judah on his journey. He pledged to give her a goat for her “services”, but as a guarantee of that happening, she asked for 3 items from him that were personal and would clearly identify him as the owner. From that sexual encounter, she became pregnant. 

When Judah was told that Tamar was pregnant through an immoral act (read: prostitution), he demanded she be burned to death. For her to be pregnant while a widow, and through prostitution, was an abomination.  He wanted swift and severe punishment for her perceived sinfulness.

The Baby Daddy

He didn’t know it was his child. He didn’t know he was the “john” she had sex with. Even if that wasn’t the case, what was a woman to do if she didn’t have a way to support herself? In this story, we are told Tamar was sent to live with her father after the death of Judah’s second son. At that time in history, her options of supporting herself were extremely limited. Even today, some women are unable to support themselves and their children without selling their bodies on the streets, online, or in the strip clubs. Times have changed, but some things remain the same. 

When Tamar sends word to Judah that the man who got her pregnant was the owner of the items she kept from him, he realizes he screwed up. In fact, he says that she is more just than he is, that she is more righteous than him.

Systems Failed Her

Judah knew there was a system in place to take care of widows. He participated in that system until it became too costly (losing one son) and too risky (prospect of losing only surviving son). He was a leader in his community, a wealthy man. He is the son of Jacob, one of the forefathers of Judaism. He should have known the importance of maintaining laws and ensuring righteousness. Yet, he was more concerned with his own legacy, wealth, and power. And, why was he – a pillar of the community and a religious man - using the services of a “prostitute” anyway? 

Judah and Tamar had twin sons, Perez and Zerah. Perez would go on to become the ancestor of David, and ultimately to Jesus. Tamar, listed in Matthew’s genealogy of Jesus, exemplified perseverance, justice, and righteousness. Jesus would later epitomize these traits as well. Her story can teach us about many things. Here, I want to focus on the fact that a system was in place to protect a woman from being in the position to have to sell her body to survive. The very people who were, by religious standards, supposed to protect her, failed her. The cultural system failed her. The religious system failed her. Those who were regarded as righteous failed her.

God didn’t fail her, and He won’t fail you.

Check back Tuesday, February 8 for Part 2

Photo Courtesy of #KathySmithImages