My Heroes

There are many ways that Webster’s defines the word “hero.” One such definition is “one who shows great courage”.

“Hero” is used quite often in today’s society. We speak of military personnel and first responders as being heroes as well as anyone who puts their own lives at risk to help someone else. I agree with that. I’ve learned there is another population of people who need to be included in that: sexually exploited persons.

I’m aware that sounds odd and some will not agree with me, particularly for those who don’t view “prostitutes” as victims. However, if heroes are people who show great courage, I’ve met several heroes in my more than 10 years working with victims of domestic sexual exploitation and more than 20 years working with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.

Many people have the idea that exploited persons should break free and run as fast as they can to a rescuer. That’s just not the case. To be sure, there are some who have been able to literally escape and run for help – but even for them that task proved difficult. Victims of domestic sexual exploitation have often been emotionally and mentally abused long before they were “turned out” to the “life”. That abuse may have come at the hands of a parent, sibling or friend long before the trafficker entered his or her life. To the victim, the trafficker at first appears as a friend, boyfriend and even savior. A bond is formed between the two that is strong, strange and often nearly impossible to sever. The best way I know to explain this phenomena is the Stockholm Syndrome. This explains the traumatic bonding that occurs between two persons where one person is the aggressor and the other person identifies with the aggressor as a survival mechanism. I’ve also seen victims that have been completely brainwashed by their trafficker. If the trafficker is a parent, the bond is exponentially worse. Breaking these bonds is not easy. When you combine these bonds with substance abuse and addictions which are also prevalent in sexual exploitation, the ability of a victim of sexual exploitation to transition to a survivor of exploitation is even more difficult.

Victims are scared of their trafficker. They’ve often been threatened. Their families have often been threatened. They’ve been threatened in some way and told what will happen if they ever leave. Though they are subject to beatings and intimidation, their trafficker has also saved their lives, provided a roof over their heads, provided food (in some quantity) and otherwise provided their basic necessities. Exploitation is a life they know. It’s a life they understand and it’s a life they know how to survive in. Breaking free from the known, from their own “comfort zone” takes a lot of courage. Each and every minute and each and every day they are away from their trafficker is a victory. The urge to go back is overwhelming.

If the trafficker is a parent or parental figure or family, the struggle is second by second. Imagine the confusion for a victim: there are good times, times of laughter and fun but mixed in with that are times of intense abuse – all part of everyday life in the family. At no fault of her (or his) own, she’s being subjected to some of the most horrendous kinds of abuse a person can suffer and then she has to suffer even more knowing that to escape that abuse means to be separated from her family and all that she knows. It’s a very lonely road to travel. A tremendous amount of courage is required to break away from that family and walk that very lonely road to freedom. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to watch a young woman who had the courage to escape that life of exploitation struggle with not going back home, for to stay away from home means separation from family. The questions I’ve had to answer many times is how. How do I stay away from family? How do I stay away knowing that each day I’m gone seals my fate of not being allowed to see my family in the future? What will I do without my family?

It takes courage and strength to stay away from their trafficker whether it’s based on fear, relational bonds or family bonds. It takes courage and strength to talk about their exploitation – to face what happened to them. It takes courage and strength to break free from the alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, pills or whatever their addiction is. If you’ve ever watched someone try to break an addiction, you know what I’m talking about. That addiction calls them constantly.

For some, it takes courage to even go to a doctor. I’ve heard many stories about doctors who were used to further exploitation, were the traffickers or who were the “tricks”. Some have been institutionalized as a way to further the exploitation and are fearful of hospitals and doctors’ offices – so fearful that they don’t want to seek treatment for serious medical and/or psychological conditions. Some have been so fearful that a doctor or nurse wouldn’t keep confidences and would tell their trafficker about their treatment, that they’ve refused medical help for serious conditions. For them to overcome that fear and seek treatment takes a great courage. I’ve seen the fear in their eyes and their constant surveying of the area as they’ve sat in hospital rooms or doctors’ offices. It took great courage for them to remain in that room or office for treatment.

One of the favorite things about my job is the rescue and/or extraction of a victim. The rescue may be directly off the street, out of a hotel room, at an agreed upon meeting place or from an agency. Whatever way it happens, she must put her trust in me that I’m not going to abuse or exploit her. It takes a great courage for her to get into a car with me – a complete stranger – or to get into an airplane (yes, that’s right, we have access to airplanes for rescues!) with me to get her to a safe place.

I could go on and on about the great courage shown by each and every one of the victims I’ve come into contact with over the years . People have told me that I’m brave for what I do, that it takes courage to do what I do. What I do is absolutely nothing compared to what these victims do. They are the ones who display courage each and every minute of the day that they are away from their trafficker.  These victims transitioning to survivors are my heroes and I’m honored to serve them.